balancing energies

Something miraculous and mundanely beautiful occurred tonight. We were on the lightrail, and in the section of seats next to us, nearest the door, sat three teens, younger than us - two boys and a girl -decked out experimentally in rainbow shirts, bracelets and dyed hair, seemingly testing their environment with a courageous effort to express their identities. They seemed, to me, innocent and geuinely peaceful, and I focused my attention on them instead of the mindless chatter of the trio with whom I currently shared my existence.

Suddenly, the distinct sound of a coin rolling across the ridged linoleum floor of the train, and a brief confusion over its origins was felt by nearby passengers. I then remembered that Ben was fidgeting with a handful of dollar coins and realized he had dropped one, its fate left not only rolling along the floor, but then dropping tragically down into the well of the doorway steps. Just as it was apparent that Ben was satisfied to sacrifice his coin to the predicament, one of the three youths stood, balancing tentatively on the moving train, and jumped into the stairwell to retrieve it. He brought it back to us, offered it humbly and, after we reclaimed it, returned to his seat without a second thought.
I thought it was remarkable that he made such a gallant effort for such a petty item, for strangers to whom he had no connection but a lightrail ride - that the action meant as much to him as the commodity meant to Ben, and the exchange was worthwhile. I thanked him hastily as he sat down.

I contemplated this, pouring myself over the three, so genuine and modest in their goodness, and I hoped for an opportunity to speak to them, fantasizing about spontaneously claiming the open seat next to them simply to instigate a conversation.
It was then that one them turned to us and asked, "hey, do any of you have a cigarette I could buy?" (buy!) I literally jumped at the opportunity, moving over to them as I dug into my purse. I apologized for the poor quality of the cigarettes, they courteously excused me, and we shared an understanding that even the imperfect gestures matter. The cigarette meant nothing to me, and my giving it to them symbolized an equal exchange - the action of charity meant as much to me as the commodity meant to them.
We talked for the rest of the ride, and I was overjoyed with the conversation, which revealed to me their names, schools, and pasttimes (selling smoothies at Red Rocks.) And they made my night.

On the car ride home later, I explained to Ben and Brian that "I did it because one of them had gone out of his way to get Ben's dollar coin back to him. I was returning a good action with a good action. It wasn't about the cigarette - it was a thank you, an exchange of good energies."

Brian got it. Ben was silent.

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random beautiful Buddhist quote, which succinctly communicates my absolute resolution that sex is a beautiful and innate expression:

"It is precisely because our present life is so inseparably linked with desire that we must make use of desire's tremendous energy if we wish to transform our life into something transcendental."



It is crucial that we exert our most intense energies not at materialism or empty, self-directed ambitions, but that we share our deepest passions with other people. It is important that our desire is in creating love, in sharing existences, in exerting good energy. It is entirely irrelevant and futile to focus an entire lifetime desiring commodities and devoting ourselves to the noise (gossip, status symbols, power, money, insecurities, hate, jealousy, greed...) that only distracts us from a pure existence.