A Modest (Marriage) Proposal

Recently I've dreamed up the most absolutely perfect lifestyle situation. (Actually, truth be told, this has been a long-standing fantasy of mine which was only just recently vocalized.) In either case, I am enamored by the idea of it.

I don't see myself getting married. It's not that I'm terribly unlovable/unloving (though that certainly may be true) or that I'm secretly a lesbian (though, again, it's more than probable.) It's more that I don't understand the notion of choosing a life partner when you're in your twenties. It doesn't make sense to me. I certainly do not find it feasible to stop maturing at age 24 and, in turn, I do not see myself being attracted to this same person 30 years down the road. People grow, and that growth should not be inhibited by a spouse. Additionally, though I love children, I don't anticipate being an outstanding mother for anyone and I'd rather not experiment with anyone's life and mental well-being.

Conversely, I can't deny the social benefits of a marriage. It's just easier to share living expenses. Plus, being married eliminates the possibility of intrusive interrogations.

For these reasons, I've decided that I want to marry a gay man. Now before you jump to any conclusions, I'd like to explain that both of us would benefit equally from this situation. Both of us receive tax benefits, and both of us would be liberated from the otherwise exhausting task of having to hide our marriage-driven infidelities. He can be with his guy, and I can have my "flavor of the week" (whether male or female.) My gay husband can fulfill the role of wardrobe advisor, and I can fulfill necessary posing when he attends his boss' dinner party. Also, I have some homophiliac tendencies, which will be routinely satisfied just by being home! Plus, assuming his partner doesn't have any expensive demands, my husband can still buy me a pony!

Then, when I need a break from the married life, I just take off for a few months.
When I'm ready to come me, I have one to which I can return.


You see? It's perfectly ideal.

I don't understand why everyone wouldn't want to do this.